This year started not so good for us. My beloved grandpa died. He sure is already old but I was still so distraught when the news came. I was at the office, mom called my husband, and he delivered the news to me. I cried frantically and we drove home as fast as we could. He's 85. No, it's not expected as he's still strong. If not for his smoking and drinking habits, he still could have lived over a 100 years.
Thing is, I've had regrets before he passed away. Everyone knows Tatay favors me and Bernice, my cousin, over all his grandchildren. He loves us all alright, but he's particularly close to me and my youngest cousin. That makes Psalm also his favorite I suppose. Weeks before he came down with sickness, it was my boy's second birthday. Tatay is the type who is not fond of going out. My son's birthday is out of the city which is about an hour ride. I asked him to come but he said he's not feeling well. I said ok, but did not bother asking what I can do for him. We came back, he's still fine but looking back, I know he's already in pain. Looking back, I know he wanted to come and celebrate with us. Fast forward two weeks after, he was bedridden. Another week, he passed away.
I have bouts of what ifs every now and then. I may have heard my head say sometimes I was not the good granddaughter I was supposed to be. Heck when he's already sick, I didn't even stayed by his side for few hours like I used to. Like we used to chat hours about my grandmother's flaws but always at the end he'll say she's the only love of his life. And that he wouldn't trade getting to another plane ride just because his last ride was with my grandmom. I wouldn't forget the Lucky Me commercial with the Manzanos because that's when Tatay managed to carry Psalm because my 'lil boy's afraid of the Kiss impersonation of the commercial. And that for one moment when Psalm's not yet around, you'll never see him get up the stairs for he thinks he's not able to climb up and down anymore. Lo and behold, when Psalm was born, Tatay never missed going up the stairs every two hours, every day and he'll be content to see his little grandchild sleeping soundly in his crib.
Everytime I think of this, I can't help but cry. My grandpa stayed with us from the time I was born till he died. He's like a father who saw my life. He taught me how to love unconditionally. He will always be a hero to me.
I love you Tatay! You'll forever be missed.
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