After All, It was He who created and started it all

This is one of the longest birthdays I've ever been accustomed to. Yep, you heard me right. Today is my birthday! Yay! :D I'm in nightshift so from 12AM of this July 17th, I'm already getting messages and greetings, wishing me the best and most happiest of this day.

But nah, day did not start as jolly. Maybe, just so maybe, I'm already desensitized from things I myself don't know (or ok, maybe I know). I wanted to hide, really not looking forward of getting those cheers from friends and officemates. Years back, I'd always want to drop hints that this month's mine and that I'd brighten up and anticipate as my day draws nearer. But this time, it's different. Earlier, I honestly felt this is just one of those regular days when I'd look forward to my end of shift and rest away in our bed.

Must be the aftershock of the Typhoon Glenda that set the gloomy setting . She was here yesterday. Should I celebrate? Should I keep myself busy with work and just go with the flow? Oh my, never thought feeling blank would still make me anxious like this.

Pulled out my headsets and thought on drowning myself to random music. Looked up Marie Hines. Scrolled down for that first sound. Nothing fancies me. Pulled out my Hillsong list. Then it dawned on me. I need to start it right. Start the day right. After all, I came to this world 32 years ago and it was bliss. I know God was and is still is with me starting from the day I was born. And I ought to understand and focus my life back to the one who created me in the first place.

In that moment, I felt great. I felt refreshed. It's astonishing and amazing to see and feel how God works in what we think are the most simplest of ways. Never need to hear any word,  no touch at all. It all grows and goes straight to the heart. What more can I ask for?

And for this day, it uplifts me for once to not think about how I feel but on how God has been SO good and SO great to me, to my family, and to future! He truly is a GREAT GOD!

How Great Is Our God (Hillsong)
How great is our God – sing with me
How great is our God – and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
Happy Birthday my dear ME! You were made to do great things. And do those things for the glory of the one who created you. :)

~

The Tatay that I love

I WAS thinking of shutting down this blog for sometime now, but it's still here. I thought I could write and share my stories here but the laziness in me is way stronger than my passion to write. Even so, I'm glad to drop by this blog again to say hi.

This year started not so good for us. My beloved grandpa died. He sure is already old but I was still so distraught when the news came. I was at the office, mom called my husband, and he delivered the news to me. I cried frantically and we drove home as fast as we could. He's 85. No, it's not expected as he's still strong. If not for his smoking and drinking habits, he still could have lived over a 100 years. 

Thing is, I've had regrets before he passed away. Everyone knows Tatay favors me and Bernice, my cousin, over all his grandchildren. He loves us all alright, but he's particularly close to me and my youngest cousin. That makes Psalm also his favorite I suppose. Weeks before he came down with sickness, it was my boy's second birthday. Tatay is the type who is not fond of going out. My son's birthday is out of the city which is about an hour ride. I asked him to come but he said he's not feeling well. I said ok, but did not bother asking what I can do for him. We came back, he's still fine but looking back, I know he's already in pain. Looking back, I know he wanted to come and celebrate with us. Fast forward two weeks after, he was bedridden. Another week, he passed away.

I have bouts of what ifs every now and then. I may have heard my head say sometimes I was not the good granddaughter I was supposed to be. Heck when he's already sick, I didn't even stayed by his side for few hours like I used to. Like we used to chat hours about my grandmother's flaws but always at the end he'll say she's the only love of his life. And that he wouldn't trade getting to another plane ride just because his last ride was with my grandmom. I wouldn't forget the Lucky Me commercial with the Manzanos because that's when Tatay managed to carry Psalm because my 'lil boy's afraid of the Kiss impersonation of the commercial. And that for one moment when Psalm's not yet around, you'll never see him get up the stairs for he thinks he's not able to climb up and down anymore. Lo and behold, when Psalm was born, Tatay never missed going up the stairs every two hours, every day and he'll be content to see his little grandchild sleeping soundly in his crib.

Everytime I think of this, I can't help but cry. My grandpa stayed with us from the time I was born till he died. He's like a father who saw my life. He taught me how to love unconditionally. He will always be a hero to me.

I love you Tatay! You'll forever be missed.